Sunday, August 15, 2010

Learning From Trials

Today marks the sixth month since Jacob passed...I don't know exactly what to think about this. It wouldn't be so bad if this was the only thing. It seems like it's been one thing after another. We lost Jacob in February and then my mom was sick and gave us a scare with a pulmonary embolism. I am so thankful that she made it through that. I really needed my mom. We all needed our mom. Then in May we lost my brother to an automobile accident. Who would have thought you could go through so much in so little time. It kinda felt like it just kept happening like the snowball effect. To be quite literal it felt like an avalanche. To say at times this has felt overwhelming would be an understatement.
Sometimes it felt like the only thing I could do was get on my knees and plead with my Heavenly Father to help me through this day and then the next. Sometimes it was the only time I didn't feel alone.
I am SO grateful to have the knowledge of the gospel. I believe that there is life after death. I know we will be with our son and my brother again someday. To say I was grateful for what has happened would be partly true. I know, who would be grateful for such great trials but, I think I actually am. I have never had to question those things I knew about myself before. I have never learned so much about myself and what I truly believe in and things I now KNOW to be true. I now know that I am stronger than I ever thought I was. I am braver than I ever thought possible and I now know that true compassion is something that I never knew. I now know the meaning of Christ-like service. I think it comes from being on the receiving end of that Christ-like service before you truly know what it is. People are truly compassionate.
I can't believe it's been six months and I still miss you....I know every day gets a little better, maybe a little easier and I feel this experience has changed us and made us grow so much, which I hope will always be for the better. I know there will still be bad days mixed with the good and I know that I still think about you everyday. Being a mother I still miss my baby. I still think of how it was to hold you and kiss you.  Today especially...A mother never forgets their child. I miss you my precious angel. Keep watch over us.
Cassy Final

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