Thursday, November 11, 2010

November 11th One Year Ago

One year ago today was a big day in our families life. Reed and I were heading to our 20 week ultrasound to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. We were really excited as we entered the doctor's office. The ultrasound was started as usual and we were both trying to guess if it was a boy or a girl. We got the news that it was a precious little boy but, that he wouldn't survive once he was born. This was a big blow. It was shocking news. We were immediately sent to the specialist who gave us Jacob's definitive diagnosis. I can remember coming home and after Reed telling our neighbor why we had asked her to keep the kids a while longer going into our closet, closing the door and falling on my knees and crying uncontrollably. It's one of those days you don't like to think about too much. It's one of those days where your heart is ripped from your chest and broken into a million peices. How do you pick up the peices? We have spent everyday since picking up all the tiny, little peices.
One year ago today we had no idea the journey we would go through in this last year but, we would both say that we as parents would never take back the precious time we had with our son. It has been a sacred, humbling, blessed experience.
I have learned that true compassion and service has not come in a big spectacle. The most meaningful and sacred moments of service from friends and family has been when small acts of service and kindness has come from their heart. They are acting in Christ's behalf giving service to our family in a time of need. I will cherish those moments when I've truly needed someone and either a friend or family has been there to fill that void and give me the strength I've needed to face those challenges.
I am grateful for the obstacles we have had for the fact that it has made us stronger as a couple. When you think you aren't brave enough or strong enough we have been helped and carried through. Nothing will ever take the place of our son but, good has come out of this experience. We will forever miss our son.  We have learned so much. My parents gave us these little blocks with saying that we have, each on our nightstands. Sometimes you need to remind yourself.

Promise me you'll always remember; you're
braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.

-Christopher Robin to Pooh


If God brings you to it, He will see you through it.

and one that has been a good reminder is....

Sometimes God calms the storm...sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.

One year ago today was a changing point in our lives. We will forever miss our son. We are grateful for all that we have learned. Looking back a year ago a lot of emotions come to the surface and we never could have known how our lives would change walking into that doctor's appointment. Although we are truly grateful for everything we have learned I know that we never could have done this alone. I truly believe that sometimes when our challenges are bigger than ourselves. We are brought up to face them and with help from God all things are possible.

We are truly thankful for everyone that has been there for us.

We miss and love you , our precious Jacob.

Cassy Final


  1. What a great post. I can't believe that with everything that has happened, it has just been a year ago. What a hard day to remember, but it was also the beginning through a journey. We won't forget Jacob and what his life means on this earth.

  2. Cassy, Thanks for sharing your feelings you have had the past year. I remember those days all too well myself and feeling helpless as what to do during your suffering. I am grateful you let me in during those days. I love you and will cherish the times we have spent together visiting, talking, crying, laughing! It is amazing to me though that going through these life experiences that refine our spiritual selves that we then have empathy to help another in their journey. And in turn understand better how the Savior understands our hurts and even our joys. He has experienced them already. Even if it is not the exact same experience you will be able to serve and help someone else in ways that you never imagined because your heart has an understanding of the Lord's infinite love for us. I love you. Your friend Forever (even if I will be living in Texas soon ;), Dana...


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