Friday, April 9, 2010

Jacob's Due Date

Yesterday was our official due date for Jacob. It feels really surreal. This is the due date that the doctors finally came up with as the "best educated guess". All I know is that I didn't want to deal with it. As you can tell by the pictures...I kept myself busy. I don't know if I was wanting to be in denial that it really was that day or just wanting to get through the day and get something positive accomplished. I hope I am not setting myself up for a disaster later..emotionally. This all started with the pantry. Everytime I went into the pantry it made me think "I REALLY need to organize this mess." but, it just didn't get done. The pregnancy was physically exhausting especially with the excess fluid and I really did only the basic housework. So a little spring cleaning was nice.

It started in the pantry, then onto the white cupboard. Then it progressed to the linen closet, walk-in closet, bathroom cupboards and black hutch. If you look at the picture of the drawer (sorry it's a little blurry) you will notice there is hardly anything left. All of the old bills needed to be shredded and shred I did. After talking to Reed on the phone at work. He made me promise I wouldn't touch his boxes. LOL He laughed as he told me that he was a little afraid of what I would do...if there would be anything left. So, I stopped once I got the main floor of the house spring cleaned. Reed was proud of me and it felt good to get so much accomplished. My mom even joked with me (on the phone) that once I was done with my house...I could come to hers.

So on the more serious side of things, I am really sad that this day has come and we don't have a baby to hold. I miss him and wish he was still here with us. But, I am going to try to do positive things when things become hard. I am going to try to work through them by doing things. I hope I am not running away from this by doing things like cleaning but, I feel like I am just trying to work through them. It felt good to get so much accomplished that had bugged me for so long and I am so thankful I have the energy now to actually do them.
I miss you Jacob and took many moments to think about you. I will always treasure the moments we had with you. I love you! -Mom

Cassy Final

1 comment:

  1. Cassy,
    I happened upon your blog today, and couldn't believe your decorating talents. You are amazing, the things you create are beautiful. I kept scrolling down looking for more, and came upon your story. I have scrolled through pages and pages reading your thoughts and experiences, and have to tell you how much I am touched by your honesty and testimony. Our first baby was born prematurely, and passed away at birth, she weighed 1lb 1oz, and was 11 1/2" long perfect and beautiful. It was one of the most amazing, spiritual, hard experiences I have ever had. She would have been 7 Feb 5. We didn't know she was going to be born early, I have what is called an incompetent cervix, and my water broke early. My sister in law and I were due weeks apart and it was one of the hardest things for me to watch her continue to be pregnant and have her baby. I had a hard time finding, or pretending happiness for her. Time and Heavenly Father heal everything. Having the gospel in my life helped me so much. Knowing that she had filled her mission here on earth and that all she had needed was her tiny little body. We now have two beautiful little boys, Easton is 5 and Ian is 2. I want you to know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers, I am amazed by the strength that you have. You have a beautiful family, and you are an amazing mother!
    Kristi (Cook) Simmons
    I haven't blogged on my family blog for quite a while, but here is the link. :)


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