This last week has been one of the most sacred and spiritual weeks of my life. What I have experienced this last week will stay with me forever. This last week has also been the hardest. I have never experienced anything close to what this last week has been like.
The funeral was beautiful and touching, thanks to everyone. The talk that my father gave was the best reminder and is something I will want to read again and again. My sister read a such a touching poem and my children and cousins sang "I am a Child of God," that was just beautiful. Reed's sister played a song on her violin, accompanied by his mother that touched the soul in a way that I can't begin to describe. We want to thank everyone who came and showered us with love and support. Everyone that came meant so much and let us know how much everyone cares for us at such a difficult time. We have been so overwhelmed with the support and love. Thank you to everyone that has helped to ease this burden and to help lift us up at this time of bitter sweet joy and sadness.
I will share one precious moment from the funeral. It came with our children in the limo ride to the cemetery. The children were full of love and kisses. One precious moment was when Abbie just started singing "I am a Child of God" all by herself. She didn't need any help even when I started to sing with her. She just put her fingers to my lips and sang the song to us by herself. It was so amazing to hear her sing that to us. That was the feeling...comfort and peace.
I found one of the hardest part to be at the cemetery. Reed said the hardest part was carrying the casket knowing this was our little baby boy. I was so honored that he did this, doing what a father could do with dignity and honor. I know through a lot of this he has felt as though he couldn't do much and that a lot was up to me but, this was one of those moments when what Reed did deepened my love and respect for him in a way I never knew. I had a hard time saying goodbye at this final resting place. I know we will be able to visit there and know that he is in a better place but, placing that final white rose on the casket was really heartbreaking. I love Jacob and wanted him to be part of our family here and the hardest thing has been accepting that his mission lives beyond.
Reed, myself and the children are doing as good as can be expected. Sometimes you are okay and trying to accept and othertimes you just miss having him here with you. I never knew something like this could actually be physical pain in my heart. The children remind us often how much they love him and shower us with love and kisses. As Abbie keeps telling me "don't worry mom, we will never forget him, he's my brother." We have all those memories we made with the children and Jacob and I will treasure those moments always. I will blog about the last family memory day we did but, I will do that another time.
We love and miss you Jacob!