Have you ever needed just a little miracle, just something to know that you are loved? Well, I feel like I got just a little tiny one today, let me explain.
This starts last summer. There was a new christian radio station that I happened upon and would have on in the car. There was this song that I loved titled Finally Home by Mercy Me. I don't know why I liked the song so much but, it just spoke to me. I heard it alot for a while then I never heard it. I do mean never...like months and months. I kept listening to this station anytime I would be in the car just to hear this song. This wasn't a cd that I could just pick up in my regular travels and I just kept listening for it on the radio. Once we got the diagnosis of Jacob, our lives literally changed. It seemed like nothing could bring happiness. Finally one day I was sitting in the car waiting and finally the song came on. It was life changing. I knew this song was speaking to me. It is about a man and what it is like when he arrives back home in heaven. I knew this song was being played for me from Jacob. It was a simple way that I could feel of him and his desire to gain a body then to move on. It was one of those moments that you tuck away in your heart because you know there are rough moments ahead and you will need a little added strength sometime down the road.
I thought because I had heard the song, I would start to hear it more often. Not the case. The next time I heard this song was just as we pulled up to the specialty store to buy Jacob's burial clothes. We sat in the parking lot and listened to the song. Once it was over, we turned off the car and had the strength needed to buy the clothes that we would need. It was the little boost I needed to do what needed to be done.
I didn't hear the song again for a while until we went to pick out a burial plot. We had two options to bury Jacob and it was difficult to decide. We finally started to lean more toward the plots that we now have and as we finally were driving away from that cemetery, the song came on. I remember looking over at Reed with tears pooling in my eyes and we knew that this was to be his final resting place. We both just knew.
Since then, our lives have yet been changed again. Last Wednesday my older brother was killed in a vehicle accident. It was so sudden and unexpected and the whole family is saddened by his loss. The family has pulled together and has been there to support one another. It has been a heartaching experience knowing that he is moving on while leaving a young family behind. We are all dealing with the heartache of losing someone so close.
This bring me to today. Today was nothing special except that I had a small little miracle happen just for me. I share this because I want others to know that even through trials we are loved by our heavenly father. He know us individually and knows what each of us need. Today I needed to know that I matter, that he knows me personally and that sometimes the tiniest little things mean the most.
While in the card isle I start to hear a faint sound that I hadn't heard in a while. I stop and look to where a speaker is and stop to listen to what is being played. I hear the start of the song. Right there in the card isle I start to cry. I feel weak in the knees and a burning in my heart. I knew this was those that have passed on speaking to me through music. This was just a little peice of heaven trying to tell me that they'll be okay. They are there waiting for us. My kids are looking at random cards and being quiet when all of a sudden the kids start singing the song with the music. They keep looking at cards and sing the rest of the song not to me but, just to themselves.This was what I needed. Just a little whisper from heaven that they'll be okay and that they have just gone home.
Sometimes we need those tiny little miracles to be able to keep going. To buoy us up when things are hard and I today...I needed that. I needed a tiny little miracle.